Woke feeling massively dehydrated and haven't caught up yet. Being thirsty means diabetes not well-controlled, and my metre confirmed it! Have to ask myself, if I'm not motivated to eat well when I'm at risk of amputations, heart disease and kidney failure, what the fuck is up in my head? Answered that question with the realization that I'm afraid of the increased urge to drink when I manage my diabetes, and realized that the drinking is a bigger issue for me because of how scared T would get if I started drinking again and it's effects are immediate while the diabetes is long-term. Hard for me to admit to admit to myself I'm scared about something, yet fear is an absolute constant in my life. I can't remember being afraid very much as a little kid, but I remember things and realize I must have been terrified, but I can't access the feeling even when the memories are vivid. My Mom was a piece of work!:) I'm glad the neurotic behavior I exhibit around my kids was much, much less--maybe by the fifth generation we'll be normal!:) Their childhood was amazingly more stable than mine and massively more loving; I'm proud of myself for that more than anything else, I think. Coffee and yogurt, my favorite morning food. Tonight after dinner I'm going to declare myself fasting till breakfast-it'll help me avoid late night snackage-I need black and white rules.