Had a very stressful weekend. Ate pretty well though because the only thing I can do to improve my back pain is lose weight or smoke hashish, and my lungs are a mess from asthma:) Tonight kids had pizza and i had a salad. Last night Kensie had sleepover so hotdogs, fries, and ice cream and cake. Had turkey dogs with no bread and too many fries. Yogurt for breakfasts and nachos for snacks. Hope this week is easier than last.

Yogurt for lunch in the teachers lounge. Weird vibe in that place. Mexican food for dinner. Snow day tomorrow-school canceled. Yeah!

Skipped breakfast and had a salad for lunch, but was way too starved when I got home so skipping breakfast not cool. made fish, mac and cheese and broccoli for dinner. Skipped the mac and cheese but had a spoonful of peanut butter. Didn't get my lesson plans done for next week.

Start a new unit on Monday-history of republic of texas. My back is standing up to damage so far nut having to take a long hot bath every night. Have been eating pretty well and with much healthier structure-no binging style feasting on junk. Having some money problems and causing stress but no time for stress eating so nice lifestyle change! Had yogurt for breakfast, egg and potato burrito for lunch, and salad for dinner with shredded spiced chicken and black beans. Going to make food diary part of my evening ritual because days are so filled.

Working at the school is going to be terrific for my health if I don't pop a gasket from exhaustion:) Have some changes to make to get the evenings running more smoothly-possibly cooking lots on the weekend and freezing some stuff. Had yogurt for breakfast, 3 bananas at 5pm, and a big plate of frito pie for dinner with a glass of milk. Soaking beans to put in my crockpot in the mornng.

Gosh, a week flies by when you're in a blind panic. I've been very upset about Haiti, finally had to ignore the news which I hardly ever have to do-just very sad and makes me so angry. Have been eating like a pig at a trough, but am out of the waiting place at school so will be much better. Didn't have time to eat anything till 5 yesterday. Had a bowl of veggie chili for dinner. Yogurt for breakfast.

Had yogurt for breakfast and roast chicken for dinner with salad. Really bummed about the people trapped and slowly dying in Haiti. Had a brownie.

Skipped breakfast and had a lovely salad for lunch. Planning a banana for 4pm snack and beans and cornbread for dinner. Tonight T works her first non-training shift for wellsfargo. First time our schedules won't match in years. She goes in at 2:30 and off at 11. I start full time in the classroom a week from tomorrow. Maybe quality time will be good, I hope!

Ate at an old customer's restaurant last night with Tracy. Needed to remember that life changes-cost a ridiculous amount of money to have a therapy moment. Had chicken soft tacos with apparently a ridiculous amount of salt because i woke up in the middle of the night amazingly dehydrated. Yogurt for breakfast-whatever t wants me to make for dinner since it's Saturday. Going to focus on getting cardio-vascular exercise today.

Had too much to eat at lunch today-need to work on my portion control. Attitude improving though and not feeling so to hell with everything-ish. Bean tacos and cheese enchiladas for dinner tonight.

Tired today all day. Ate ok anyway, but wanted some carrot cake. Annie gave me hell and hurt my feelings while doing so-her heart in the right place but she reduced all that I am to being fat, and I really disagree. If that's all I am I should have offed myself years ago and saved me much pain. Heavy sigh...Having a "Mad World" evening. Times is hard...

Made a veg stew last night-roots veggies with bell pepper and tomato-very tasty. Served with rice for all but me, alas. This morning had three eggs and a turkey smoked sausage. Pancakes tonite per request from Annie, with omelets and probably fried potatoes. Had tons of coffee this morning.

I am not doing very well with student teaching on the horizon. Very easy to rationalize that I should eat whatever I want now because when I'm working at the school I won't be able to eat except at mealtimes-I'm such an addict personality. My bargaining behavior rationalizations are usually more elegant than that one, because I'm clever in my idiocy. I'm scared more than usual; I've invested lots in teaching and maybe my back will lock up in the classroom, maybe I'll fall to the ground and have my leg start twitching spasmodically-in other words maybe I'm doomed. So I act out and make it worse by gaining a few extra pounds and putting more stress on my back. Self-destructive behavior is probably the thing I'm best at in the whole world. Good to express my fear, according to the experts.

Mondays are usually hopeful days for me. I'll fast the rest of today and try again tomorrow to chain lots of good dietary days together. Need to use all the tools available to me and eat right or just say to hell with it and die relatively soon. I need to decide that this post constitutes a bottom to hit, because overeating is so much slower than drinking at fucking up your life that it seems like the bottom never hits. It's not fair to Tracy and the kids to have a heart attack be the start of good behavior.