Monday afternoon I was unjustly, arbitrarily locked out of a class for being two minutes late. I was seething, had trouble letting it go,(oh the inhumanity, the freaking bitch...:)) and that night i binged a bit. I have to develop better coping skills, and maybe some kind of ritual and or punishment for losing control like that.(somehow having to drink a couple shots of bourbon would not be appropriate-although it would make the binging unthought of completely:))(except now that I think about it I would binge constantly so I had to drink...fuck)(excuse my language) Yesterday I ate okay till late afternoon and then had some ice cream that I KNEW was going to screw up my blood sugar for the rest of last night and today-today I go back to the class and I want to be immature towards this bitch with every fiber of my being so I think I was ratiionalizing the self-destructive ice cream as reward for not endulging my irritation. The main positive is that I'm using this blog today as I probably should more often but I hate to dump all this crap on your sweet head that would best be said in a 12 step meeting to other negative people struggling to stay on what seems like an unnatural path. And I hate seeming whiny and immature to a non-addict who will(at least rationnally should!) lose respect for me.

Chicken for breakfast. Breakfast for dinner tonight. (omelets, pancakes...)