Last night I spaced logging dinner--but all changes have a learning curve! I had a piece of leftover veggie lasagna at 5, then made a country breakfast for dinner about 8. Had 3 eggs, 2 pancakes, and lots of fried potatoes with red onion and some picante sauce on top-very yummy but bad for cholesterol:)

So far I've had just coffee today-been driving kids and feeding dogs. Just driving, dogs, and cooking and cleaning adds up to almost 6 hrs a day--wish I'd known I was going to always be the "mom" role when we deciding how many kids to have!:) Guys need time to watch football and veg out--it was wired into us during the thousands of years of hunting gathering when the women did most everything except the fun stuff like hunting. In the yoruba tribe in africa men fought wars and grew the yams, and that's bout it!:) (of course men had many wives to split the other stuff up)

Talked to Cheryl last week about my reluctance to lose weight--really don't want to conform to what I "should" do and definitely don't want people telling how much better I look, etc when I deny them the right to have ever judged at all so vehemently, but biggest issue might be that I've grown accustomed to always being the outsider and always being "different" and I have a lot of myslf esteem invested in being able to be an "oppressed minority" and doing what I want anyway--weight and self image issues wind up being really complicated. Think I'm done saying "fuck you" to my dead parents, but then saying fuck you to "society" is obne of my all time biggest things. I wish I had more vanity sometimes--the buddhist outlook is to adapt and be happy with what IS--makes addiction therapy and certain self-help thoughts counter-intuitive. Think for the first time I'm really interested in losing weight for myself-to have more fun, play tennis, maybe ride a bike. (at least till my degenerating spine finishes crippling me!:)--but that will take a lot longer if I weigh less!

Mantra=Less weight =Less pain!