last night I had meat, salad and boxed chicken stuffing. Coffee today, brought to me in bed by my lovely daughter Rhiannon-all schools starting 2 hrs late here due to icy roads. Stayed up late last night and stayed in bed till 8:30. My plan today is for little high protein snackage every two hrs topped by bean salad for dinner. Will record tonight if plan successfully implemented!

19 degrees and icy roads. west texas towns get snow so seldom that cities have no action plan-no snow plows, nada. LUbbock is hugely spread out, with more streets then most cities with 3 x's the population. We have one salt truck to deal with hundreds of miles of major streets. Oh well..will maybe melt this afternoon if the sun comes out!

Lots of coffee-I need to come up with some breakfast meals that are low carb but high protein that don't sound disgusting with coffee. Really don't like meat, and seldom have time for lovely omelets. Leaves yogurt. Think I'll fry a couple eggs and have with tortilla. Tonight making fish, mac and cheese anf broccoli.

Ate pretty well most of the weekend and then ate lots in short time late last night-have to follow addiction rules-don't get tired don't get frustrated don't lose control of your feelings-there is no try etc.

This morning just coffee. Connor wants to move out to a crappy old house and roommate with two high school friends. Neither friend is in college or values education, and both Hispanic so have the macho/pendejo dynamic of occasionally being mean to establish pecking order, which Connor doesn't defend himself from well. Connor once got badly bitten by a dog because he wouldn't kick him off even after the attack began. Sigh...so far today, made Connor breakfast, drove him to campus, and came back to campus to give him asthma inhaler he forgot. He is SO ready to move out...:) On the other hand would be good for him to jump in the deep end and see if he swims okay.

Have to go to doctor tomorrow about blood pressure. Going to fast today and get salt etc out of system-really don't want a new drug and want to see if no salt will help enough. Can still lower my bp 20 points by triggering meditation/relaxation response, but lately 20 points not eno0gh! Getting too old to be cavalier about health! Off to class!

Okay, back to discipline--at least a little!:) Had Cheese pizza for breakfast--really feel better without wheat but habits hard to break--need to increase my mindfulness. Making a big change but no time to write now-more after school!

Got a burst of fun yesterday thinking that Shrub not President anymore. Still not feeling much positive. Today I've had a cheese sandwich because we were out of yogurt-sigh, sob, feelings of shame and remorse for being out of yogurt--what will the yogurt farmers do to survive the winter...(actually I'm starting to feel better) Have to drink some aqua fria and get back to the campus.

been kinda depressed. Eating lots. better soon i hope.

Had a parenting thing with Dylan last night-his best friend is a troubled kid who gets him into stuff. Fought off the urge to eat to deal with the stress! So far only coffee.

Last night I had meat and salad with a yogurt for dessert--getting boring! This weekend I'm gonna freeze some stuff to make dinners easier. Annie made it through the two week cleansing part of her allergy regimen and can rotate a few things into her diet--need to get her to realize how much better she feels without baked goods. Still missing fresh scones though so I need to realize it too!

Turkey sausage wrapped with a tortilla+cheese. Lots of coffee!

Annie has a game, Tracy has a church supper, Dylan is working. Sandwich nite! I'm having a salad and some leftover pinto beans with corn chips. My days are getting easier to manage-the ed classes have much less reading than history classes...

ate healthy yesterday and then had 4 slices of pizza right before bedtime. i think just because I had the thought I'd been virtuous all day-would think something was wrong with me except I'm already sure of it....

Coffee and yogurt. First tuesday of classes and pattern starting to become a manageable thing-having a schedule and not feeling overwhelmed good things!

Cleaned my kitchen yesterday(had gotten gross behind stuff, etc.) and did 7 loads laundry. Feel much better and more together. Made custom omelets for everybody last night with fried potatoes and homemade biscuits. Have beans soaking now for tonight. Need to make some kind of meat to go with for carnivorous sons. Education classes going okay-this will be a good week!

So far lots of coffee-making canned veg soup now and then back to campus.

Okay, scratch that last post-no fasting today, still out of control. Would hurt my fingers to type everything I just ate-would have been better to have a sh0t of bourbon! Will start fast now, assuming my blood sugar lets my brain remember---:)

Last couple of days have a surreal feel-started secondary ed classes-very vocational compared to my other classes. Having doubts about being a teacher--requires a level of social behavior I've managed to avoid for 25 yrs. Just cold feet I think. Wasn't really organized beforehand and have been struggling to keep one step ahead of the rushing waters of feeling overwhelmed-can't seem to find some of my clothes, for instance!

Have been eating badly, making it all worse in a vain attempt to have comfort food make it feel better. Always shocked to realize how led by my feelings I am when I think of myself as a rational person most of the time!!:)

Going to fast today and force some control in one area and then feel better about the rest and use the weekend to get my shit together! Yeah me!

Woke up this morning feeling anxious and edgy-good opportunity to cope without eating comfort foods! Coffee-lots and lots-and a yogurt for breakfast.

Yesterday the monsters went back to school. Had a long list of things to get done but wound up just enjoying the quiet. Played godfather video game and shot my "fellow mobsters" in the head-very relaxing! Ate high protein snacks-peanuts, broiled chicken, and then had salad for dinner. I'm finding without bread in my diet my hunger is much more easily ignored-no more compulsive mindless kind of feelings. Very cool.

So far today some sugar free popsicles for my sore throat and coffee. Was going to take a placement test today that I've already put off since Friday, but Kensie's not feeling well so I'm hanging with her. She never gets sick--going to see how she feels after her nap. It may be she's been hanging with Dylan's cat too much-T is massive allergic, and enough allergy reaction can make one throw up. Classes start tomorrow! Actually excited!:):):)

Yesterday I was virtuous but became more of a psychological toll on my head-very hard for me to consistently not do something self-destructive. For instance, I can see losing weight, being a teacher, having a great career, and then telling some 17 yr old she has a really great ass at an awards show and giving a congratulatory shout out to her boyfriend...sigh...both difficult and funny to be me..

Yesterday-yogurt for bfast, salad for lunch, steamed veggie mix and butter grilled fish fillet for dinner. Still have gunk in my lungs.

Today had lunch with T at Mexican rest.-salad with grilled chicken, sour cream and guacamole.

Making veggie chili tonight w red kidney beans. Have to forgo my lovely corn meal muffins. Usually serve w chocolate cake-maybe a yogurt/strawberry pie? Annie jonesing for ice cream...

so far today a yogurt and a "pintos and cheese" from taco bell. Still coughing lots-sick of being sick. Last weekend before spring semester starts Wednesday. Went by too fast...

Had a busy day yesterday-Tracy only worked a half day so we did all the "back to school part 2" shopping. Mostly new jeans for all the monsters and some "needed" accessories for fashion conscious female monsters-guys wardrobes are lots cheaper, but we usually shop thrift stores so it saves lots-back to school 1+2 only time we start off looking at new things.

Started new diet plan with annie yesterday and I felt better when I woke this morning-yeah! Positive reinforcement for change is always cool! Yesterday I had a lovely greens salad that my lovely wife made me-felt pampered! And then for dinner I had pinto beans topped with cheddar and red onion, salad, abt 1/4 cup fried potatoes, and a broiled chicken breast.

Annie is feeling the lack of baked goods but we shopped together and found some stuff she can eat (and some surprising things she can't! There is soy in most frozen french fries and soy and corn starch in ranch dressing!) Just the first couple of detoxing weeks have to be so strict, then I think ranch dressing will be fine as long as she stays gluten free-she's not up yet-hope she feels positively reinforced too-but one of her brothers made a cake late last night and left it on the table-heavy, heavy sigh....:)