Known all day that I'll have some of Annie's birthday cake so not particularly mindful. Had a egg and cheese mcbiscuit for breakfast-really downhearted and resigned to failure about Dylan-but wrong to break my dietary rules to punish myself. Strange how typical alcoholic so much of my behavior is-well past thinking of myself as unique. Pizza, cake, corn dogs, big sleepover, ice cream sundaes and a promise to make french toast in the morning-although I loathe the stuff so won't be a temptation. I might allow myself small slice of pizza since already had a gluten consuming morning. On my way back to party venue "main event" to start driving carloads of 16 and 15 year olds over here. Life is brutish and short.

Ate too much on my birthday. This morning got back on my yogurt and coffee routine for breakfast. Have been resisting doing things in a regularly scheduled way-figured out I'm realizing in my bones that in a few weeks I start a 7-4 job with a boss, etc. Haven't had a boss since I was 22. Going to be such an adjustment...

Veggie chili for dinner tonight.

Had a good weekend food-wise. Trying to never eat alone so my eating won't be like solitary drinking. New study says insulin drugs can increase chance of heart attack in diabetics-feel like I'm screwed no matter what:)

Scrapped the soup last night since we hit 65 degrees in the afternoon-yeah! Got time to fix the brakes on my car with Kensie being my helper. Had grilled cheeses on sourdough, fried potatoes with lots of red onion and salad and canned beans-not great beans but I had lots to do. This morning yogurt, lunch with Kensie at a Rosa's tortilla factory during present shopping, and not sure about tonight. Invited a young man from 3 of my classes to dinner on Monday because he can't get home till thursday-not usual for me. Might be getting healthier in my head. Need to manage my kitchen a little more efficiently now to make teaching easier next semester, so I'm redoing all my shelves etc to motivate some changes. Making a pot hanger (as in pots and pans, not weed) to hang over my island that is actually more of an isthmus. Baking today, shipping tomorrow, found my sister an antique china figurine that she'll love-at a thrift store for 2 bucks. Love it when that happens!:) My sis shares my love for old toys.

Thought I was almost done last week when an evil ed teacher gave a take home final that wound up being 10 pages long. But now I'm really done and not nearly as emotionally exhausted and strung out as i was last year at this time, so life improves. Yeah! Been eating very very badly and will fix it for the rest of the year, next two weeks or so besides xmas I am dedicating to healthy habits. I wanted to take a good motivation boos t from your example of a trip to France but there isn't much I want. So I've decided to view my brain as being trapped in an unhealthy vessel; since I care more about my brain than i do my body I think it'll help. Went to a local tejano diner this morning and had my tradituional end of semester breakfast. juevos con chorizo y papas y frijoles. Muy bien pero no es saludable. Tonight veggie stew and cornbread muffins.

Judged at a debate/forensic tourney today for first time in 25 yrs or so-had some fun but bitched in front of some guy and it might bite me in the ass if he's an administrator for the school district I'd like to work for next fall. My mouth is big but my brain is tiny. Ate the barbecue at the tourney and I think it might have been beef. Feel really sick. Should have just said no thanks to the plate as they gave it to me but seemed rude. Had an egg and cheese biscuit today so not good day for my rules. Final tomorrow. K concert at mall.

Last night Kensie had a choir concert so I had to make a quick dinner-leftover soup and grilled cheese. Looking forward to my last final on Saturday-I need to take a deep breath and decompress. Yogurt this morning, a potluck lunch as part of my last class with a really cool ed professor, and planning breakfast for dinner with fried potatoes and veggie omelets.

Worked very hard over the weekend and I feel closer to not buried than I have in many weeks. Ate well over the weekend, but breakfast this morning was three pieces of Riesen chocolate caramel. Very sweet and gooey and the worst possible breakfast I can imagine except cake with ice cream! Salad for lunch, pizza for kids, nachos for me for dinner.

Well, better late than never. Had leftover Turkey for breakfast. Have been stressed but too overwhelmed with things that needed to be done yesterday to eat very much. Not a great silver lining but I'll take it graciously! Tonight I'm making soup and cornbread. Had snow yesterday and cold still today.

fasting today. hoping to add a spiritual element to my hoped for behavior changes.

Gosh! Been a week! Have been working on behavioral issues and trying to hem myself in with "rules" which is the only thing that works for me. Much more complicated with food-my rule that I can only drink if T gives permission works great. Been eating too many nachos and veggie chili frito pies-too much many salts and fats! Tonight making stir-fry.

Had a massively bingeing day yesterday-stress of T job situation getting to me, and Annie is depressed and I don't want to overreact-hard to know when to get extra help for a teenager sometimes. Talking about getting drunk, dropping out of school, killing Dylan. Wrote me letter a few weeks ago addressed to "dear fucker." Feel free to invite her to stay with you a week during xmas break-if there is a blizzard or some other convenient rationale feel free to keep her until she turns 18:)

Today nothing so far but coffee and good intentions. Sent Kay a photo because she sent a couple to me and it seemed like she kind of wanted one. She said I looked great "although I know you think you don't" and I wound up having a good long look at my self image. I really don't think my ego is bruised much by being fat; it might be easier to lose weight if it was more. I understand that I rationalize, but I actually rationally agree with my rationalizations-I went hungry as a small kid, dysthymics get fat, people on antidepressants become carb junkies, my back fucked up my mobilty, and I'm better than my siblings that had the same fucked up childhood. In a long line of being hard about myself about things being fat isn't one of them-EXCEPT that I substitute stress eating behavior for drinking, which means I'm not as "sober" as I should be. Explained all this to Kay because it was hard for me to admit when she had previously said her Dad was a "dry drunk"(as I probably am too) with contempt after he quit drinking. Good for me to admit to her since I think it makes a stepping stone to getting back in aa meetings; maybe bad for her regard for me which would suck. I think the most telling thing about my psychology is that the only people I really open up to are people I opened up to almost 30 years ago:) (I hope Kay knows I was trying to be funny about how my ego is protected by being well-hung)(which is true but I find it ridiculous and amusing that we men are like that, including me):)

Strangely enough what I'm most uncomfortable with about my body(besides the health and life shortening things that aren't vanity based) is a scar on my wrist that looks like a hesitation mark but isn't, and the scar on my neck that maybe by a stretch could like one too.

Body image is SO much easier for guys-something I think I'll be well attuned to as a middle school teacher.

Haven't wanted to keep posting when I suspect that you're too down to deal with much, but time I ended my long break of ignoring my diabetes-my foot is having severe nerve death, so I'll be here every day if you want to check in even if you don't feel like posting!

Ate healthy yesterday-yeah! Starting to get caught up and less panicky feeling. Had a leftovers night last night; not sure what I'm making tonight. Looking forward to soup weather!

Had nachos for lunch, veggie frito pie for dinner last night, planning baked ziti for dinner tonight. Eating pretty well but got pissed at Dylan this morning and had two helpings of frito pie right after. Gotta stop.

I could have done better with my weekend eating. I had been doing worse. Made mexican food for dinner last night and went overboard with chicken tacos. Skipped breakfast this morning. Having turkey sausage topped with veggis chili for lunch. Salad for dinner-kids pizza night.

Had a bowl of cornflakes for breakfast. Goal is to use the weekend to get my act together and aggressively manage my diabetes.

Got Annie back in school but had to pick her up today because she started blowing chunks all over the place. Really feel bad for her. Have been stressed and depressed and eating too much, and then not posting because that might interfere with my dealing with stress so badly:)

Life is a process and it's good to have room for improvement! Just decided that-and I didn't have my inner voice that whispers to me when I'm just talking shit because I'm glib and I can...:) I know my eating would be worse without this blog, so I'm not going to beat myself over the head for not being perfect about the way I use it, and I think my audience should do the same!

Last couple days have been really bad-like an alcoholic falling into a vat of wine and trying to drink his way out instead of swim. Can't get a handle on my stress enough to quit feeling panicked. T still getting laid off but we don't know when, her car broken and mine needs new transmission according to the subaru guy that tells us something new every time he has the damn thing. Luckily the warranty covering the cost but we still don't have a car whenever they need it just to not fix it yet. My back is hitting the nine on the ten point pain scale and I found myself thinking about how to sever my spinal nerve so it would stop-I think the walking, feeling, continence and sex life advantages of having even a damaged spinal cord slipped my mind for a while. Things will get better, I will be better.

This morning I ate peanut butter from a spoon and apples. Cheese and eggs. Yesterday I ate a horse, with picante sauce and lots of refritos...woke up feeling like shit.

Yesterday Annie had flu confirmed-felt bad because I had get kids flu shots on calendar for next week!:) She handled her job and babysitting commitments like such a pro-she has such wonderful people skills compared to my sons. My coping skills still need work, as I ate comfort yesterday. Rainy day not helping. Sticking to coffee only till about 3, and then will have a high protein snack. I seem to do much better when I plan ahead. Roast chicken w beans and greens tonight.

Lost track of time-very bad weekend. Annie sick, Tracy depressed. barely functional time. Predictably, ate too many sweets and made everything worse by being in a diabetic stupor part of the time. Cornflakes today. Pizza night for the monsters; will have a salad w chicken.

Fasting today till sundown.

Last few days have been stress filled for me too. Lots of catch up work for school. Yesterday I had nachos with beans and sour cream for dinner, yogurt and an apple for brunch. Up way too early to take online driving safety course the court wants done by tomorrow. Tonight I'm planning cheese or chicken enchiladas, black beans, and spanish rice w salad.

Had three bowls of cornflakes yesterday but i didn't feel like going shopping because my back was in the 8.9 range on a ten point pain scale. So far today I've had yogurt and a salad. Tonight having roast chicken w veggies and pinto beans. I've lost 25 lbs since gave up bread.

Yesterday I behaved maturely in class while quietly plotting an insurrection with my fellow students that will leave the woman abandoned at sea like Bligh with his lifeboat. I actually feel better and have eaten very well today and am feeling good about having lost weight. Tonight I'm making veggie chili and this morning I had eggs for breakfast with refried beans and corn chips. Very yummy. Lots of stresses, but actively coping and planning and dealing.

Monday afternoon I was unjustly, arbitrarily locked out of a class for being two minutes late. I was seething, had trouble letting it go,(oh the inhumanity, the freaking bitch...:)) and that night i binged a bit. I have to develop better coping skills, and maybe some kind of ritual and or punishment for losing control like that.(somehow having to drink a couple shots of bourbon would not be appropriate-although it would make the binging unthought of completely:))(except now that I think about it I would binge constantly so I had to drink...fuck)(excuse my language) Yesterday I ate okay till late afternoon and then had some ice cream that I KNEW was going to screw up my blood sugar for the rest of last night and today-today I go back to the class and I want to be immature towards this bitch with every fiber of my being so I think I was ratiionalizing the self-destructive ice cream as reward for not endulging my irritation. The main positive is that I'm using this blog today as I probably should more often but I hate to dump all this crap on your sweet head that would best be said in a 12 step meeting to other negative people struggling to stay on what seems like an unnatural path. And I hate seeming whiny and immature to a non-addict who will(at least rationnally should!) lose respect for me.

Chicken for breakfast. Breakfast for dinner tonight. (omelets, pancakes...)

I ate well over the weekend except too many chips while watching football-tech got beat by the hated ut saturday night. If my car didn't need new tires I would have driven to austin for the game. Had a presentation this morning and I am in fact an excellent teacher. Sigh...I hate it when T is right:):):) Making pizza for dinner tonight, but will have a lovely chef salad instead. Planning on chicken tacos for lunch w black beans and ensalada.

Need to find new gluten free foods so a cookbook is on the way from my friends at amazon. Tracy had out-patient surgery yesterday and I was stressed before hand but okay during. Yesterday I skipped breakfast, had a salad for lunch, and made a chicken soup for dinner and annie's favorite pancakes for her. T is fine-she had a nasty skin infection she picked up in the hospital. Had a nice fast and got "back on the wagon" bread-wise. Tonight I'm making whatever T wants for dinner-probably lasagna.

Today I ate too much because of stress. I hate that I do that and really want to stop. Slipped on wheat on Saturday and have been struggling ever since to get back on the wagon. Tomorrow I need a spiritual fasting day.

Had a weird day since I'd intended to stay at home to wait for the telephone guy but farmed it out to Dylan to run errands. Had fish for lunch; been skipping breakfast and then eating a 4pm snack of beans with corn chips. Basically neeeded a break from yogurt, finally!:) Tonite we're having crepes w fruit-I'll probably make a veggie filled omelet for me.

Wound up having french fries for dinner last night-not a balanced or healthy meal!:) Still getting used to no breads-eating eggs without toast or biscuits or pancakes is bizarre. Tonight I'm making chicken enchiladas. Today I've had a cheese omelet w lots of picante sauce. Start observing at the kids' high school today.

Took a hike yesterday that was overly ambitious-my lower spine locked down in a massive spasm. Amazing how many things in one's body connect to the spine!:) Still, ate very well except some evil potato chips that beckoned at me all weekend only to seduce me after my back stranded me in front of the tv all evening.

Today I had roast chicken for breakfast and fish and chips for lunch. Salad for dinner since everyone else is having pizza.

Yesterday I had lunch w T- a lovely chicken taco salad. Last night I made tex-mex and tonight will be our weekly sandwich night. Grilled cheese on sourdough w soup, I think. It's raining today and maybe will be soup, salad if it gets hot. Not sure what I'll have for me on sandwich nites-salad and chicken probably. Yogurt and coffee now. Apple for lunch.

Fell down this morning trying to prevent poodle from running out front door to scare old retired judge neighbor. Expecting police to stop by since I both hurt m,yself and failed to grab her. Oh well...nothing but coffee the last couple mornings. Yesterday I didn't eat till after 3pm and then ate too much of a bag of Ruffles. Had to take car into shop today so morning unusual. Not much on campus I can eat without gluten-the salads tend to be yucky and overpriced. Have to get better organized. Last night I made chicken with mushrooms, mashed potatoes with sour cream and mushroom gravy, and black beans with red onion. Tonight I think will be something simple-probably pancakes and omelets. Next week will be less hectic, I hope...

Ate well over the weekend-still living a gluten-free life and adjusting well. Luckily I can still have taco salads with chicken or I'm afraid it would be a deal breaker. Had a yogurt for lunch; skipped breakfast. Still getting the transportation to school kinks worked out. Wish Lubbock was less spread out geographically.

Made veggie chili for dinner last night; promised something with meat for the carnivorous boys tonight. Have to buy a new cookbook this week. I'm still getting over yet another in a long line of lung infections-hope my improved diet will also improve my immune system.

Feeling better when I wake up in the morning-I think I might be able to avoid insulin without gluten or anything like it. :)Had nachos and an apple for brunch. Roast chicken w new taters and slivered carrots w green beans tonight.

Doing well without the evil flour demon!:) Having a salad with chicken tonight.

Woke up feeling better today so much motivation to continue a "12 step" approach to gluten:) Yogurt this morning, salad planned for lunch. Having roast chicken and potatoes with broccoli for dinner.

Had a salad for lunch with refried beans, corn chips and lots of salsa. Being tempted by cake and leftover pizza in the fridge. Going to hardware store for chain and padlock so I can't open fridge without mindfulness. Maturity sucks-when I gave up drinking I just quit drinking and having alcohol in the house and avoided drinking situations-can't avoid eating!:) Not being good with gray areas or fluctuating boundaries is actually one of the most typical traits of alcoholics and their children.

Taking gluten-free lifestyle one day at a time; so far my allergies to wheat and yeast have been something I've put up with the results of because of my love of breads and baked goods--but I've decided to man up and do the right thing!:) Today so far some yogurt and a handful of nuts.

turkey hotdog for lunch; skipped breakfast. Very frustrated with car but no excuse for eating!

Had a banana for breakfast w coffee. Made roast turkey last night.

Last night I had two chicken sandwiches with salad and baked beans. Woke up feeling better.

Woke up feeling groggy but 5 cups of coffee later I feel a little less groggy. Going to eat only meal today; will post again later when I decide what it will be.

Fasting today. Glad to have school starting soon-the summer has been good but is wearing thin!:)

last night being pizza night, we had so red barons from the freezer. Today all I've had thus far is water and coffee; I have a nasty fever and food seems like an icky idea-maybe I should get something lingering like tuberculosis or something to help lose weight!:)

Had a piece of turkey meatloaf for breakfast with coffee. Got the self-destructive impulse out of my system hopefully for a long while and am looking forward to being healthier. Going to have a protein heavy diet today.

I'm having a dietary and emotional meltdown right now, but now that I've said it out loud I can start getting a handle on it. I hope so-because my diabetic self just had a big piece of cake for breakfast.

Wrote all day-an essay about racism in Texas history. Very depressing topic-had too much veggie lasagna for dinner for comfort food.

Came on to leave a mea culpa and all I can say is-ditto! I don't know about how stressed you are but I bet lots. Me too. Need to work most on my response to stress.

Had half a fried hash brown for breakfast. Woke up feeling awful-well-motivated to eat well today. Had grilled turkey hot dogs for dinner last night with potato chips. So ironic that I love salty snacks and they screw me up so badly!:) Hash brown was hair of the dog...

Fasting today so far, but going to lunch w daughters-K off to church camp all next week.

Skipped breakfast-woke up feeling awful. Just had two turkey meatloaf sandwiches for lunch. Meant to have one. Feeling really tired and hard to cling to willpower.

Getting a new school routine down. Just kicked the ass of a comparative politics test so hard my toes tickled the professor's tonsils.:) Had a banana and a handful of grapes at 5am(admittedly I have big hands) and an egg and cheese biscuit from McD's on the way to the campus at 9am. Veggie chili for dinner. A neighbor gave us big bag of squash(in Texas you lock your car doors at stores or your neighbors will fill up the back seat with their extra squash) and I'm going to make lots this week.

I've been on the edge of rage for 2-3 days all the time. Not eating well so far today-two peanut butter sandwiches and a yogurt.

Ate pretty well over the weekend. Coffee and yogurt. Veggie chili tonight. Start summer classes tomorrow.

Had a "burger joint" chicken sandwich last night. T had hers smothered with mushrooms and swiss cheese and it looked delicious-but I got to feel somewhat virtuous by choosing my relatively spartan fare. Then I had some fried cheese-oh well...:) Dylan had a good 17th birthday.

Today coffee, bean burritos, and wimbledon tennis. Tonight roast dead bird flesh w potatoes and beans.

Ate well yesterday. Today Dylan's birthday, but will try to have only one piece of cake. Woke up late and still having coffee.

Having a quiet morning. Coffee, yogurt, and roast chicken for dinner. Will have salad for lunch and bought some mixed nuts if I want a snack. Trying to frame eating well as something I can do for myself instead of a restriction for me to rebel against. We shall see if the irrational passionate me can be corralled by my intellect and soothed by spiritual meditations...

The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.

Atisha (famous Buddhist dude from about 1000 yrs ago that shaped Tibetan traditions)(as far as is known he never had kids, so what did he know...):)

Ate really badly the last few days. But today will be better! Coffee and leftover pizza for breakfast.

Woke up this morning and ate pizza. Feeling a little overwhelmed by all the projects I have to get done around the house. Would like to have a little time to myself.

Last night I made chicken and/or fish, boiled red potatoes and broccoli. Yogurt today, pinto beans, corn muffins, salad, and grilled chicken tonight.

Had a depressed episode but a mercifully short one. My behavior escalated in a scary way but I was instantly remorseful so it'll be okay. Have to be more careful. Today I have eaten a yogurt, and then a chicken sandwich. Tonight is pizza night.

Ate 2 yogurts and dinner all weekend. Yogurt today, and leftover night tonight.

Worked on T's car all yesterday morning-leaning over the engine block not great on my back-had some spasmodic twitchiness last night! Mi9ght be in the cold on health insurance till I get a teaching gig-anxiety not good for my diet so I'm working hard to get all the exercise my body can tolerate. Lots of dumbbell lifting and some swimming. This morning had a slice of cold cheese pizza for breakfast. Salmon for dinner tonight.

Have a massive sweet tooth today. M&M's for breakfast-tiny dish of ice cream with lunc. Leftover baked ziti with lots of veggies and tons of cheese.

ok, I suck, a little thing like my daughter's birthday and I quit blogging and I eat too much. The good news is I think I just proved that this blog helps me eat less-yeah! This morning I've had coffee and a turkey and cheese sandwich. Tried to swim laps at the Y but thunder closed the pool so I worked the weights a little while T walked the treadmill.

yesterday T got a job offer(nice job, horrible pay) and finally got unemployment notification, so blew off fast(without even remembering it!) and went to celebratory lunch. Food to celebrate, food to grieve, food to fill boredom...insert beer and whiskey in that sentence and it's hard for to say I'm sober. My life is more a work in progress than some...woke feeling yucky, my body was right, time to fast, so will do it right today.

woke up late this morning , completely dehydrated to the point of nauseousness and dizziness. Not using the a/c in west texas is yucky! Lots of water, coffee. Fasting today. Will have a yogurt at sundown.

Had cake for breakfast because I can resist anything except temptation. Ate pretty well over weekend. Lasagna for dinner last night and probably leftovers tonight with some pizza and salad. Love Italian food!

Had pizza for dinner last night after day long knock down drag out argument about silly things signifying nothing with my sweet but pms-ing wife. ate too much. Coffee and yogurt and more coffee.

Had a good attitude when I woke up this morning and now POOF it's gone! :) Coffee, so far. Last night I made frito pie with leftover veggie chili from night before. Tonight roasted dead flesh w mushrooms, rice and broccoli, and salad. Meant to get some beans soaking last night and spaced it. Hard to cook beans with the hard water of west texas, and since we're on the llano estacado our elevation makes water boil at a low temp like it does in Colorado.

Very pretty weather this morning. Had coffee in the backyard. Need to stock up on yogurt.

Had turkey hotdogs w veggie chili and strawberry shortcake. Holiday's are horrible for diet management!

Fasting today. I think at least once a week fasting is going to continue for me-it helps clear my head!

Got back from trip. Ate yogurts, canned beans, and canned cheese ravioli. Mind is fried. 1000 miles in 3 days is too much for my aging self.

Had a time lately! Off now to Austin for history day cos' Kensie one the regional with her paper about Stalin. Ate poorly over the weekend. KInd of dreading this trip because it's going to do damage to my back to drive so much in 3 days. Oh well, what the hell...fasting till evening because road food would make me sleepy and I'm the solo driver. Fire ban in central TX right now so our camp will be unlit(at least not properly!):)

massively hot here and not running a/c. Waking up dehydrated every morning no matter how much I drink. Coffee and yogurt. Annie has several friends over tonight so simple meal needed-maybe grilled cheese and soup, but too hot for soup. Perhaps I'll make black beans.

I feel yucky. I'm going to fast today and see if I can't detox a little. I might fast tomorrow too if I feel I can get some spiritual energy restored thereby-feeling out of control and un-centered. Of course, coffee will continue, I have no desire to torture myself!:)

Long weekend of house projects. Treating T job hunt like I would a sales campaign when I worked. Kind of fun for me but she's getting irritable which increases my urge to eat tremendously! Had a shameful binge on Saturday. Coffee and oatmeal this morning. Planning omelets and fried potatoes with peppers and onion tonight.

Hurt my back this morning doing the daily gardening-watering, etc. and wound up having peanutbutter and crackers for breakfast. My back hurts less when I eat salty food because it makes me retain water(hence my strong feminine side) but it also shoots up my blood pressure and I live in terror of stroking out like my Mom. Sigh...at least I don't fall off bicycles or anything...Making turkey meatloaf/fish (not together-just a choice annie will eat w me but no one else likes fish)(convinced annie to start eating some fish when she turned out allergic to every grain known to man) and mac and cheese.

Stayed in bed till 10 am today-haven't done that for years and years. Last night took some pain, muscle relaxants, at same time and they zonked me. Coffee and yogurt.

I'm a gifted individual. Brilliant, perceptive, compassionate, inquisitive, (humble), I have tremendous gifts in all aspects of communication. Yet I stand in my own way, like a boulder before a child on his first hike, and tremble.

I must be very frustrating to love for many reasons!:) Think I'm getting better, though, at doing what I should instead of shooting myself in the foot for my own amusement. Helping T with job hunt is giving me enough focus to put more structure in my life, which helps with my diet lots. Last night I made pancakes for dinner-pretty much Annie's favorite and she's been having trouble with school. Bad case of spring-itis. Her 17 yr old boyfriend will get to visit this summer from his parents house in Virginia.

Being chatty because I have to make the daily connection that my food issues are very emotion laden and I can't separate them out.

Tonight I'm making faux lasagna with ziti noodles.

I had a nervous eating weekend with lots of comfort food. Yesterday was better, with yogurt breakfast, salad lunch, and quesadillas and beans for dinner. Wish I could live off nachos with sour cream!:)

Skipped breakfast-just had an apple and potato salad for lunch. Working as aide-de-camp to Tracy during job hunt. This morning she put me on probation because I didn't look for our stock of thank you cards yesterday-she's a stern boss but I like the benefit package!:)

strange to have Tracy home so much but is being good for my food choices. Like all alcoholics when I'm alone I'm with a bad companion. Coffee and yogurt. Tonight beans, cornbread, cheese quesadillas, and salad. Last night we had fish and mac and cheese.

Went for a walk after dinner last night; my back extra fucked this morning but it felt good t the time!:) Coffee, yogurt, russian test this afternoon. Then salad is what I plan for the day!

Had an egg and cheese biscuit from McDonald's this morning; the kids had NCLB tests and I wanted to reward them in advance for not falling asleep during the math tests. Got a sweet email from one of edse professors last night-she seems to think I won't suck. Making pancakes, fried potatoes and omelets for dinner tonight. Lots of good stuff in the omelets.

Had a huge lunch at a Mexican restaurant. Hours ago and I feel like I'll never need to eat again. Last final Thursday! Yeah!

I love yogurt. I think more variety in my breakfast choices might be good, but yogurt is pretty healthy and I love it, so screw variety....(actually sometimes when I'm feeling wacky I'll have mixed fruit...)

Last night I got pissed off that I'm getting very, very little domestic help even though it's my finals week. Then I ate half a bag of nacho dorito chips with a turkey sausage wrap. Have to do better. Reading a book about cognitive eating by Suzanne Beck. It's good.

Tonight Annie having 3-4 friends over so need a teen friendly meal-probably just get some pizzas. My big Russian oral exam today is making me anxious. Я прочитал и писать по-русски гораздо лучше, чем я говорю!

Had a bean taco salad for dinner last night. Eggs and a tortilla for breakfast today. House still stressful but so far I haven't had any emotional eating episodes. Urge to drink has been high though. Contemplating how to get by without health insurance panic inducing kind of thing!:)

Had lasagna for dinner last night w salad. Today I lifted weights as soon as I got up-felt good but kept to a light workout. Have to adapt things to my back. Drinking coffee and thinking about a yogurt flavor-blueberry has a slight edge...

Had nothing but coffee this morning and I'm on the campus till 3pm so I'll wait and get a salad and soup at home. Tonight I'm going to make veggie chili and corn bread mini-muffins-which is probably my favorite dinner I make on a regular basis. Not as healthy as it could be because I smother mine in cheddar cheese.:)

Lovely storm last night. Couldn't go to store to get what I needed so we had frozen pizza. Coffee and yogurt morning. Stir-fry, rice and wee bits of breaded cod fried with fake beer batter tonight. Had one episode of emotional binge eating while dealing with T job loss-late wednesday night. Involved a trip to 7-11 at midnight, actually feeling some shame about it, so pats on the back for fessing up to it. HArd to type one handed while self patting back...

Had an easter feast-turkey, etc. Today will have leftovers. Will attempt to be moderate and avoid acting like a roman at a party!:)

Had a nice meal last night from Rosa's mexican cantina and tortilla factory-cheese enchilada's, salad, beans, rice and tortillas. Lots of salt but it was early in the evening so I had time to counteract what it does to me before I slept. Tonight I think fish because I like the occasional homage to T's catholic childhood. Last night Kensie was the acolyte at the maundy thursday service. Very rarely have a good friday myself, because by then I'm freaking tired!:)

Felt good when I awoke today! Yeah! Had coffee early, just now had two plain biscuits and large hash brown from burger king on way home from campus. Have to find a missing notebook and head back to school. Nasty high winds today and the dogs are a little uneasy. Making baked ziti tonight.

Needed much water this morning before I felt human. (Before that I felt, what, dehydrated skin sack shaped like a human? (or at least a really round human!)) Had a bean burrito for bfast and will have a salad for lunch. Dinner I don't know yet-risotto sounds good!

Had a good day yesterday in my attitude about food. My actions always follow my attitude to a ridiculous degree for a grownup! Out of yogurt! Just got back from campus and haven't had anything but coffee. I want to wait and shop with t so I'll make a couple of eggs and a tortilla. Kids left computer playing music and the safety dance just started when i walked in the door-still love that song! Pizza night tonight-I'll put on lots of veggies and make a nice salad. I actually love salad but sandwiches are so quick-habits are hard to break-need an electrical device that provides shocks when i look at bread!

Woke feeling massively dehydrated and haven't caught up yet. Being thirsty means diabetes not well-controlled, and my metre confirmed it! Have to ask myself, if I'm not motivated to eat well when I'm at risk of amputations, heart disease and kidney failure, what the fuck is up in my head? Answered that question with the realization that I'm afraid of the increased urge to drink when I manage my diabetes, and realized that the drinking is a bigger issue for me because of how scared T would get if I started drinking again and it's effects are immediate while the diabetes is long-term. Hard for me to admit to admit to myself I'm scared about something, yet fear is an absolute constant in my life. I can't remember being afraid very much as a little kid, but I remember things and realize I must have been terrified, but I can't access the feeling even when the memories are vivid. My Mom was a piece of work!:) I'm glad the neurotic behavior I exhibit around my kids was much, much less--maybe by the fifth generation we'll be normal!:) Their childhood was amazingly more stable than mine and massively more loving; I'm proud of myself for that more than anything else, I think. Coffee and yogurt, my favorite morning food. Tonight after dinner I'm going to declare myself fasting till breakfast-it'll help me avoid late night snackage-I need black and white rules.

Yesterday I planned my meals and ate what I'd planned. Had a lovely salad for dinner with black beans and corn, topped with picante and ranch, served on corn chips with very little salt. The at bedtime I ate an entire sleeve of saltine crackers with peanut butter. But I remain optimistic(though dehydrated and sluggish with highly elevated blood glucose levels and shooting pains in my feet) that today will be a good day for my control of diabetes AND my urges to stupid unproductive self-destructive behavior--for I am REAGAN, LORD OF THE jungle gym. (did you watch the tarzan cartoons when we were kids?)

Coffee and yogurt. Salad to follow. T night to make dinner, so probably pizza.

Coffee for breakfast. I'm having a yogurt now at 11am, and will have a salad at 3pm after my observation at the highschool. Starting all the end of semester "projects" that are designed to see if I work well with others. Glad I can fake it!:)

Ran out of coffee this morning. Tried to reach caffeine parity with tea and gave up after 4 cups. About to make eggs and turkey sausage with a wheat tortilla on the side.

Yesterday I was very depressed all day but diet wise was okay because I was too down to eat. This morning coffee. Have to take a cat to get broken.

Went to colorado springs late on Friday and drove back yesterday-Tracy's Mom needed T to see her Dad and assess whether he's getting senile since his two heart surgeies a few months ago. He seems a little confused but had a good conversation with him. His father had alzheimer's and Gail a little paranoid-think he just needs to start doing crossword or something-he's always golfed and skiied and has been bedridden lots lately. He's 74 and Gail's 70 and still teaching coms at PPCC-retired from CU in Denver. I'm exhausted; quick road trips used to be great fun for me, now they're tiring!:)

Fringe benefit-ate very sparingly all weekend and got a renewed sense of what ageing does to one-I'd like to be able to live until I die, instead of a long slow decline or post-stroke nursing home like my Mom. T wants to move to Co as soon as I finish school to help/spend time with her Mom. I hate traffic, cold, and not being able to see a far horizon line, but other than that I'm cool with it! Eating in Colo might be more controlled because the last time I lived there I was so much healthier-Lubbock has been a place of hopeless depression for so many of our years here. The memories don't support new beginnings.

Last night the weather was lovely, so we picnicked in a local park. I had fish, bread, cheese, and some evil potato chips(Apparently it's true one can't eat just one-handful).

Today I'm taking all the monsters but D on a daytrip to New Mexico. Fruit and carrot sticks are in the cooler. Will probably lunch at tacobell. Mucho cafe! In russian that would be mnogo kafe. I is yo in spanish and ya in russian, and there are various other influences of latin in russian too. All roads still lead to Rome.

Woke up feeling really awful-horrible, dreadful, really crappy, icky!  Coffee and yogurt, planning to serve a soup and salad dinner but sometimes the monsters cajole me out of that one.  I feel like my sinuses are packed with gummy worms that an evil sorcerer enemy is attempting to turn into real worms to eat my brain.

Yesterday I did all my last minute almost spring break school stuff-met with my dean adviser, went to classes, got a couple research items from library. Ate very healthy but had 4 slices pizza late at night when my will was down by the long day. Have to break that pattern-it shoots up my diabetes problems right before bed-and then I wake up feeling awful and dysfunctional.

Enjoying a quiet Saturday morning; coffee in bed, extra snuggles with T, and maybe some garage sale shopping soon. (Kensie moved into Con's old room and needs a few things; hoping to get an old dresser I can restore)

Going to make Kensie what she wants for dinner-not sure yet what. Yogurt every two hours seems to make me feel better; need to make a list of healthy snacks and then choose one every couple of hours to stabilize my wonky blood sugar.

Been barely functional the last couple of days-missed half my lectures this week. My back is unwell, and it's dragging down my mood. Bought some books about addiction and recovery and being an adult child of an alcoholic at Barnes and noble last night. Toying with starting my own group for the godless addicts, but fearful of being stoned(and not the good kind!) :) Ate too much yesterday-got bored with immobility. Trying to have a nothing but yogurt fast day today. Will report my success and feeling better tomorrow!

Just another manic monday...last night I cooked for 25 due to our turn in the rotation to feed the youth group at Kensie's church.  Last night I made veggie and meat-filled chili, and sent fritos, cheese and extra onions for people to make their own frito-pie-a texas staple.  Got back almost all the veggie chili...sigh...:) make it so well too! Squash, carrots, celery, peppers, sauteed and then mixed with pinto beans and tomatoey goodness, lots of red onion, and then simmered with chili powder and picante sauce for spiciness, topped with cheese and served with cornbread-one of my favorite meals!  Christian youth today lack palates!:)

TONight is leftover night.

Yesterday while I was observing at a high school I had an adventure. I have to sit on a counter high seat because I don't fit into the school desks. When I eventually stood up I couldn't feel my left leg and collapsed-luckily no kids were squished! After stretching with a growing audience of "well-wishers" I convinced them with difficulty that I was fine and thanks; then I walked down to the far side of the freaking large school to the elevator, which was out of order. After a period of "nonchalant" leaning on the rail, I went downstairs, rather precariously with sensation in my leg going in and out and pins and needles. By the time I walked back to the other side of the freaking large school and out to my car( with rest stops to avoid crawling), when I sat in my car my left leg was numb, my right leg was twitching uncontrollably and I couldn't drive for 45 minutes. Strangely, my motivation to increase my rate of weight loss is running high...:)

Going to have some french fries and turkey sausage for lunch. Portion control will be disciplined!:)

Yesterday during my russian test my tumbly got so rumbly that I'm pretty sure it could be heard IN Russia.  Whole class was sneaking looks with "what the fuck is that noise.." quizzical expressions!:)  Sigh...glad I don't worry about my dignity much...:)

Today I'm having bread; I know I shouldn't-I'm doing it anyway.  Feel much like a heroin addict must...:)  

Have a russian test today-turned in a film about removal punishment yesterday that I filmed with the monsters on Sunday. Had a good time-had the "students" attack me with wooden swords at one point(unfortunately Dylan cracked me on the head as I was going down and got a knot the size of an egg on my poor noggin) and then had a scene where I'm "disappointed we got a little off topic and behavior could have been better" while I'm on crutches and bandaged.

Ate okay yestreday-virtue is boring. Just coffee so far today-I find it soothing in times of stress. Off to student union to get more now.:)

Glad the weekend is over. Need the structure of classes to avoid eating like a shop vac sucks up mud! (icky imagery, huh, trying to cognitively shape my attitudes to food!) (Had a hell of a time when I decided to eat meat again because I'd quit eating meat by visualizing flesh filled with maggots...)

Typical morning-coffee, water, yogurt. Problem comes in afternoon when if I eat a carb I crave a kajillion more and then have typical addict bargaining behavior(I'll eat whatever I feel like eating today and then start out good/fresh tomorrow. Drawing the line right now, publicly, at least bloggily, that I WILL eat like a diabetic who wants to control his disease today and NOT like a depressive who wants to get dying over with as soon as possible and NOT like an addict seeking his next fix to fog his churning brain. (really unfortunate that blowing ones blood sugar to hell resembles the buzz of downing a six pack-part of the body response to comfort food, by the way...)

Had a nice salad for dinner and an ice cream sandwich I should have passed on, but my blood meter broke and it'll be a couple days till the new gets here so it has a "we have a substitute" can of feel to it!:) Long freaking day-childish dread of observing in the high school tomorrow--kind of want to take a second chance to lead a successful revolution against the Man!

Just lost my temper at the vets office. But I didn't totally lose it(Kensie said I looked like I wanted to strangle the woman) and I didn't eat coming down off the rage attack! Yeah for me!

Coffee and yogurt. Will try to blog after each food experience today and increase my mindfulness. Missed my 10 am class due to vet experience, but teacher cool. Will have to have 1 on 1 meeting to make it up.

Had a chicken sandwich for breakfast-have cut way back on bread consumption but still lack the capacity to refuse fresh warm french bread-need to increase my self-discipline lots. Coffee, otherwise. Annie took my last yogurt!

Had s stressful week and feel a little fried. Last night I made a baked ziti with 3 cheeses, mushrooms and yellow squash. Used Newman's sauce since I didn't have time to make from scratch. Very delicious and broke down and had two plates.

Tonight I think we'll have sandwiches and salad; lots to do this weekend.

Connor moved out last night to an old house near Tech that one of his oldest friend's father owns. It was thought he'd wait till the end of the month but he and his friends were anxious to get started on life in their own place. I"m supportive and think it will be good for him but I cried on the way home. Life is so short, and I spent so much of his childhood suicidal and irritable!

Ce la vie! Typical morning, coffee and yogurt. Spoke with my shrink about joining a support group at TECh; big step for me that I"ve been sneaking up on for a long time. Emotional couple days, but I Successfully kicked myself in the balls, so good for me!:)

VEggie chili for dinner tonight. CHEese and bell pepper enchiladas w queso last night.

Had an early test that I kicked ass on so I rewarded myself with eggs, biscuits and hashbrowns from a little local bistro w good coffee. Trying to decide whether I would have consoled myself with same if I bombed test... probably would have...sigh...

THe prboblem with addiction is simple-I cannot be sated. THere is never too much alcohol, sex, food, whatever, my brain doesn't work that way, so I HAVE TO have outside rules to control when to stop(drinking is easier because I just have to not start again). THere is some interesting work being done on the brain chemical/electrical systems of addicts. The problem is that being an addict is walking a line-I have to be responsible for my behavior, I have to acknowledge my behavior is harder to manage then people who lack addiction issues(otherwise it's too common to develop self-loathing), but I have to acknowledge that my behavior CAN ANd MUST be managed and not use addiction as an excuse for inaction, and (this is the part I suck at) I have to be able to believe that I cannot, cognitively, behaviorally, internally, modify all my behavior with out outside help. It is a pattern that can't be broken just because I'm brilliant and strong and resourceful.

For myself, I have to be able to relinquish control. My shrink says that because needing to eat is so basic and my parents didn't always feed me when I was little, that my need for control and not to count on anyone is immense, and of course food is fucked up for me in many convoluted ways.

MOst alcoholics have to reach bottom and have their life become unmanageable in concrete and unmistakable ways before they will accept they HAVE to change their behavior. SOmething, fear, necessity,hunger, something basic, has to become stronger than the urge to overload the pleasure center some more. I think the hardest thing TRacy and I have to overcome as a couple is that I can love someone and still not protect them from the consequences of their choices, because I know that in the long run it isn't in their best interest that I protect them. Calling the cops on Dylan and having him thrown in jail, for instance, was both difficult but compassionate in a global parenting sense. Pretty sure sometime I'm going to have to kick him in the balls to get his attention and then put him in the street as a follow up in order to love the irritating little bastard the best I can...

Have to now kick myself in the balls and....

Hadn't felt like posting but have been reading. RIght at some major stress points and need do take time tonight to write lots. Off to school now. Coffee and a little valentine chocolate this morning.

Wound up having pizza last night instead of salad (actually had pizza with salad but not enough to say had salad with pizza):)

Today have russian test, tutoring, and lecture tonight on diversity in the classroom. Will try to add veggie snacks to truly huge amounts of coffee!

Change sucks!:)  I'm trying to eat well, and doing so, and then kerplooie!  YEsterday was definitely a "Slip" day-but today is a new chance to make the changes I REALLY DO want-so must let it go and focus on the now!  Today I'm having a veggie snack every couple hours till dinner-which will be salad. Probably not something I could realistically do everyday but I have to  get my bg down or take insulin-have 5 weeks to improve my aic dramatically!  (aic is a blood test that rats out diabetics to their doctor by measuring the amount of glucose averaged via science big brother-ness) YEsterday could have used my blood for the yummy whole wheat pancakes I made everybody else for dinner to go with their fried potatos and eggs!

Yesterday was one long depression flashback. Spent half the day writing suicide notes in my head while knowing it wasn't real and trying to reboot my brain. Very icky! Felt better about 9pm but by then had eaten a lot of comfort carbs that threw my diabetes into overdrive-today will be about healthy choices and a visit to my psychiatrist-some people who have had long term double depression respond well to electro-shock...hmmm...might rather just die a pathetic death...:)(definitely just kidding but a "a beautiful mind" was disturbing to my not sane self! If I can disengage food from my emotions I will win both battles I think!

Coffee is all till my blood sugar drops lots.

Took a day trip to palo duro canyon with t and girls. Had some sandwiches and the bread made me feel yucky. Have to rethink quick picnic food! Got home kind of late. Looking forward to sleeping late tomorrow.

Woke up this morning feeling bad from the salty Mexican food I made for dinner last night but giggling because our standard poodle was licking my face and nibbling my beard. Standard coffee and yogurt breakfast. Need to write down a few dietary rules when I have more time this weekend! Probably not as long lasting as the ones in the Koran or Torah.

Had an apple for lunch; jonesing for more salt but manfully resisting. My back hurts less when I'm all salt swollen and waterlogged. Pain is my friend in this situation.

Recovered from salty suberbowl snacks ok. Coffee and yogurt, and a simple salad planned for tonight. Need to drink extra water today so brought big bottle to campus.

Just ate myself sick with superbowl party food and it's not yet halftime. I'm starting to realize, really realize down to the marrow of my bones, that I'm an idiot.

Have lost 20 pounds since we started these blogs-would be more excited if the % wasn't so measly on me!:) Last few days the internet at home has been down-switched to att uverse and had some hassles. Might need to help my mother-in-law buy a gun-feels like it would if someone asked me to do any other immoral thing. Wants a gun for personal protection. Will probably eventually blow her brains out with it.

last night I had meat, salad and boxed chicken stuffing. Coffee today, brought to me in bed by my lovely daughter Rhiannon-all schools starting 2 hrs late here due to icy roads. Stayed up late last night and stayed in bed till 8:30. My plan today is for little high protein snackage every two hrs topped by bean salad for dinner. Will record tonight if plan successfully implemented!

19 degrees and icy roads. west texas towns get snow so seldom that cities have no action plan-no snow plows, nada. LUbbock is hugely spread out, with more streets then most cities with 3 x's the population. We have one salt truck to deal with hundreds of miles of major streets. Oh well..will maybe melt this afternoon if the sun comes out!

Lots of coffee-I need to come up with some breakfast meals that are low carb but high protein that don't sound disgusting with coffee. Really don't like meat, and seldom have time for lovely omelets. Leaves yogurt. Think I'll fry a couple eggs and have with tortilla. Tonight making fish, mac and cheese anf broccoli.

Ate pretty well most of the weekend and then ate lots in short time late last night-have to follow addiction rules-don't get tired don't get frustrated don't lose control of your feelings-there is no try etc.

This morning just coffee. Connor wants to move out to a crappy old house and roommate with two high school friends. Neither friend is in college or values education, and both Hispanic so have the macho/pendejo dynamic of occasionally being mean to establish pecking order, which Connor doesn't defend himself from well. Connor once got badly bitten by a dog because he wouldn't kick him off even after the attack began. Sigh...so far today, made Connor breakfast, drove him to campus, and came back to campus to give him asthma inhaler he forgot. He is SO ready to move out...:) On the other hand would be good for him to jump in the deep end and see if he swims okay.

Have to go to doctor tomorrow about blood pressure. Going to fast today and get salt etc out of system-really don't want a new drug and want to see if no salt will help enough. Can still lower my bp 20 points by triggering meditation/relaxation response, but lately 20 points not eno0gh! Getting too old to be cavalier about health! Off to class!

Okay, back to discipline--at least a little!:) Had Cheese pizza for breakfast--really feel better without wheat but habits hard to break--need to increase my mindfulness. Making a big change but no time to write now-more after school!

Got a burst of fun yesterday thinking that Shrub not President anymore. Still not feeling much positive. Today I've had a cheese sandwich because we were out of yogurt-sigh, sob, feelings of shame and remorse for being out of yogurt--what will the yogurt farmers do to survive the winter...(actually I'm starting to feel better) Have to drink some aqua fria and get back to the campus.

been kinda depressed. Eating lots. better soon i hope.

Had a parenting thing with Dylan last night-his best friend is a troubled kid who gets him into stuff. Fought off the urge to eat to deal with the stress! So far only coffee.

Last night I had meat and salad with a yogurt for dessert--getting boring! This weekend I'm gonna freeze some stuff to make dinners easier. Annie made it through the two week cleansing part of her allergy regimen and can rotate a few things into her diet--need to get her to realize how much better she feels without baked goods. Still missing fresh scones though so I need to realize it too!

Turkey sausage wrapped with a tortilla+cheese. Lots of coffee!

Annie has a game, Tracy has a church supper, Dylan is working. Sandwich nite! I'm having a salad and some leftover pinto beans with corn chips. My days are getting easier to manage-the ed classes have much less reading than history classes...

ate healthy yesterday and then had 4 slices of pizza right before bedtime. i think just because I had the thought I'd been virtuous all day-would think something was wrong with me except I'm already sure of it....

Coffee and yogurt. First tuesday of classes and pattern starting to become a manageable thing-having a schedule and not feeling overwhelmed good things!

Cleaned my kitchen yesterday(had gotten gross behind stuff, etc.) and did 7 loads laundry. Feel much better and more together. Made custom omelets for everybody last night with fried potatoes and homemade biscuits. Have beans soaking now for tonight. Need to make some kind of meat to go with for carnivorous sons. Education classes going okay-this will be a good week!

So far lots of coffee-making canned veg soup now and then back to campus.

Okay, scratch that last post-no fasting today, still out of control. Would hurt my fingers to type everything I just ate-would have been better to have a sh0t of bourbon! Will start fast now, assuming my blood sugar lets my brain remember---:)

Last couple of days have a surreal feel-started secondary ed classes-very vocational compared to my other classes. Having doubts about being a teacher--requires a level of social behavior I've managed to avoid for 25 yrs. Just cold feet I think. Wasn't really organized beforehand and have been struggling to keep one step ahead of the rushing waters of feeling overwhelmed-can't seem to find some of my clothes, for instance!

Have been eating badly, making it all worse in a vain attempt to have comfort food make it feel better. Always shocked to realize how led by my feelings I am when I think of myself as a rational person most of the time!!:)

Going to fast today and force some control in one area and then feel better about the rest and use the weekend to get my shit together! Yeah me!

Woke up this morning feeling anxious and edgy-good opportunity to cope without eating comfort foods! Coffee-lots and lots-and a yogurt for breakfast.

Yesterday the monsters went back to school. Had a long list of things to get done but wound up just enjoying the quiet. Played godfather video game and shot my "fellow mobsters" in the head-very relaxing! Ate high protein snacks-peanuts, broiled chicken, and then had salad for dinner. I'm finding without bread in my diet my hunger is much more easily ignored-no more compulsive mindless kind of feelings. Very cool.

So far today some sugar free popsicles for my sore throat and coffee. Was going to take a placement test today that I've already put off since Friday, but Kensie's not feeling well so I'm hanging with her. She never gets sick--going to see how she feels after her nap. It may be she's been hanging with Dylan's cat too much-T is massive allergic, and enough allergy reaction can make one throw up. Classes start tomorrow! Actually excited!:):):)

Yesterday I was virtuous but became more of a psychological toll on my head-very hard for me to consistently not do something self-destructive. For instance, I can see losing weight, being a teacher, having a great career, and then telling some 17 yr old she has a really great ass at an awards show and giving a congratulatory shout out to her boyfriend...sigh...both difficult and funny to be me..

Yesterday-yogurt for bfast, salad for lunch, steamed veggie mix and butter grilled fish fillet for dinner. Still have gunk in my lungs.

Today had lunch with T at Mexican rest.-salad with grilled chicken, sour cream and guacamole.

Making veggie chili tonight w red kidney beans. Have to forgo my lovely corn meal muffins. Usually serve w chocolate cake-maybe a yogurt/strawberry pie? Annie jonesing for ice cream...

so far today a yogurt and a "pintos and cheese" from taco bell. Still coughing lots-sick of being sick. Last weekend before spring semester starts Wednesday. Went by too fast...

Had a busy day yesterday-Tracy only worked a half day so we did all the "back to school part 2" shopping. Mostly new jeans for all the monsters and some "needed" accessories for fashion conscious female monsters-guys wardrobes are lots cheaper, but we usually shop thrift stores so it saves lots-back to school 1+2 only time we start off looking at new things.

Started new diet plan with annie yesterday and I felt better when I woke this morning-yeah! Positive reinforcement for change is always cool! Yesterday I had a lovely greens salad that my lovely wife made me-felt pampered! And then for dinner I had pinto beans topped with cheddar and red onion, salad, abt 1/4 cup fried potatoes, and a broiled chicken breast.

Annie is feeling the lack of baked goods but we shopped together and found some stuff she can eat (and some surprising things she can't! There is soy in most frozen french fries and soy and corn starch in ranch dressing!) Just the first couple of detoxing weeks have to be so strict, then I think ranch dressing will be fine as long as she stays gluten free-she's not up yet-hope she feels positively reinforced too-but one of her brothers made a cake late last night and left it on the table-heavy, heavy sigh....:)